The Anticipation is Always Harder

As I finished packing my things this morning, making sure I had everything with me I would need for the presentation I was getting ready to go give, it suddenly washed over me. The hot, anxious, nervous, sick feeling of anticipation I always get leading up to an event or experience shrouded in uncertainty. 

Speaking in front of a group of people, a big family event, a meeting with your boss, the big midterm exam, a hard conversation with a friend or family member, or the anniversary of a death. 

Big or small, the list goes on and on.

Today, I caught myself as I started down my anticipation spiral. I took a deep breath and reminded myself, “Catie, you know the anticipation of the thing is always harder than the thing itself.” 

Did this immediately dissipate the growing nervous energy I always feel before public speaking?

No, no it did not. 

But what it did allow me to do is give myself grace and open up the space for me to lean into the uncertainty and vulnerability, trusting that even if I fall flat on my face, I know I will get back up again, because I always have and I always will. 

And that the THING has never been as hard or as bad as my anticipation has ever led me to believe.

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